But I just...

Dear Reade,

It's a quiet afternoon. You and The Boy are off at a birthday party. Girlie and I are at home. She's napping. I've done the advance prep for supper and now I am sitting quietly. Whatever needs to come next will happen shortly, but I'm contemplating the last few days with our boy.

So, so often these days conversations with him end up being punctuated with "But I just..." (...had to kick her in the face. ...didn't mean to make her bleed. ...need to tell you about this. ...couldn't do what you asked. ...can't listen because I need to say...). And I wonder what it's all about.

I know I could do a better job of listening to Boy-o. If he felt heard, understood, listened to I'm sure that would make something of a difference.

I also wonder what it is that God might be asking me and you and us as a family to do to which we are saying, "But I just..."?

Any ideas?

Love, Jenn

Quietness

Dear Reade,

You and the kids are sleeping. Much needed rest at the end of busy days of school and work for you. Much needed rest for our children after a full day of playing with friends, exploring a rainy world and learning as they do through play and activity.

It's been a full day for me too and I'm grateful for these quiet moments to read, write, think (and fold laundry without the "assistance" of four extra hands). I'm learning to ask for what I need in these days. I am learning to know what I need. And quiet time is a big piece of what I need, both for its own sake and also so that I can know where I am actually at. Without contemplative time, I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants. So these quiet evenings do my body and soul good.

Loving you,

Jenn

Thank you

Dear Reade,

There are so many things that empower me to be a good mom. But today I am especially mindful of and grateful for the ways that you spend time parenting our children. Being the nighttime parenting expert on our boy. Getting both kids dressed and ready for the day. The daily, careful rhythm of goodbyes as you leave (home or the car) for work. Allowing and even encouraging "distracting" phone calls from the kids. Taking the kids on a wander so I can have time I need to do what I need to do. Expansive and loving greetings as you re-enter our family space. Carrying our girl around as she goes through her withdrawal from missing you. Story book narrated private times. Correction, encouragement and conversation with our two little ones.

And that was just today.

You are a great daddy. I am pleased to parent by your side, grateful that our kids have you as a father.

Love, Jenn

Another one please?

Dear Reade,

Our little ones are asleep and with a few moments to ponder before I get on to the tasks of the evening, I'm thinking about bedtime with our boy tonight. We perused his chosen and carefully stacked books. I turned off the light and as I'm sure you hear most nights, he asked me for a story. So I told him the story of a boy whose Mama loved him and whose Daddy loved him and whose sister loved him. A boy who loved to jump to the top of things ("But I can only jump down from the top of things.") and climb and run and read and cook and imagine stories. A boy who played with stones and drew and ate and played with friends and cousins and liked to think about all his favorite things from the day as he got ready to sleep. And then the boy would take a deep breath and close his eyes and go to sleep.

And then our boy said, "Can you tell me another story, Mama?"

So much for my subtle suggestion.

Love to you,

Jenn

First posting

Dear Jenn,
This being my first post I'm not expecting much and I hope you're not either. I have a bit of tension what with the S'toon folks coming and I have to study for my first mid-term. I should have been studying for it already, of course but I just haven't got to it. I find it tough to study at home for some reason.
Reade

Home

Dear Reade,

It's been a wonderful week, full of backyard play and trips to the park. It has been, simultaneously, slow and jam-packed. How does time go like that?

Our guests this past week helped me to clarify something. I want our home to be a place of hospitality. A place where we can be ourselves and our guests can be themselves too. I don't want to "entertain."

A few years back when I was spending time at one of the retreat centres in town I remember reading an article they had laminated. It was about hospitality as creating a space for change in ourselves and in others. About inviting people into our lives and our homes and in that being together finding something was different. About being honest with ourselves, decluttered in and of ourselves, and able to be authentic.

I want to find that article and reread it. I want our home to be that sort of space. For us. For our children. For our friends. For our guests.

I love you.

Jenn

Genesis

Dear Reade,

A space for us to write, in which we might enjoy telling the tales of our daily lives and in which we can trace what we are learning, seeing, doing and becoming.

So much of my life I have spent second guessing, quadruple takes. I am jumping in, following the ways of my grandfather whose 91st birthday we are celebrating today. Delightful and with a personality in full bloom, Fred no longer worries about what others will think of him. Maybe he never has. He calls our boy by various and sundry other names vaguely related in sound or form to his given name. Fred's love is true but he doesn't have time to "much ado" about details.

Could be genetic. Fred's mom, Elizabeth, called me Genesis instead of Jennifer. Wonder what I'll call our grandkids...

So today, I'm jumping right in. Starting something new. Letting go of the second guesses. Looking forward to what may be. And what may become.

Love, Jenn(ifer)