Out with the old...

Dear Reade,

It's New Year's Eve. 2010 has been quite the year. Full of fun. Full of frustration. Full of...okay, it's a good thing that I have written records of some of the many things that happened this year or I fear I mightn't remember.

The year our little girl turned one. Learned to walk. Started talking. Today she said, "Sit in box. Boat." The year she had her first salon haircut. Her first pee on the potty. She's a perpetual helper, adorable and funny and lisp-y and wonderful. And she removes my keys from my purse most everyday and puts them somewhere clever.

The year our boy turned four. Started practicing on an Early Rider for his two wheeler days. Started pre-school. Wanted to sleep over at someone's house without us. Started saying how much we didn't love him because we wouldn't give in to his demands. And this very day sat on my lap facing me, wrapped his arms around my neck, ran his fingers through my hair and let me enjoy the sun beaming on him and I as we rested at the table after lunch.

This year you finished your final full time semester of your degree. Wow. I'm so proud of you. Amazed at the work you've done to get through courses and assignments and exams while still being present to the kids. And to me. While still being in touch with your friends and keeping up on assignments at Springboard and taking out the trash. You've been swamped so many times and come up for air and kept going. I'm proud. And grateful. And glad to celebrate being done this phase of our family life.

This year I resigned my position at First. Fourteen years of being on staff at one church or another and I'm so glad not to have to juggle all of that with parenting our children and being a hub for our family life. I'm glad to be able to be with our kids day by day. To be here to send you off in the morning and welcome you home at night.

What a year. What a life. I'm in love. With you. With our kids. With our lives right now.

Love, Jenn

He's four!

Dear Reade,

It's hard for me to believe that four years ago at this time we had never met Adoniram face to face.

Here we are, four years into his life and he's wrapped around my heart and yours and evidence of his presence is everywhere...

He's four. He says he feels different today. Taller. And he spotted a contrail this morning out the bathroom window. A great start to his fifth year.

Love you,

Jenn

Still

Dear Reade,

It's the middle of the night and I'm awake again. For a few weeks now I run out of energy and the ability to be awake by the children's bedtime and fall asleep in that process. And there's a great deal of delight in being snuggled up with one or the other or both of our kids.

The corollary to falling asleep at 7 p.m. is that by the wee hours of the morning I am awake.

By the time our children awaken at 5 a.m. I am sure I will be more than ready for sleep. :)

As I sit quietly in these morning hours I read and look and dream. Cooking and baking ideas. Crafting. Beautiful knitting projects. Emails from our family and friends. These still moments are so needful for me. I crave quiet and still and so I am grateful for this space.

Rest well my love,
Jenn

Permission

Dear Reade,

A quiet Sunday afternoon consisting of chocolate chip cookies, milk, sumo wrestling practice, book reading and tower building. Boy-o just asked "Can Daddy have permission to come feed the fish with me?"

Yup.

Hope it was fun.

Love, Jenn

perfect...

Dear Reade,

I am a one woman comedy fest of errors right now. A perfect storm of shit and spills and chaos. I know parenting life isn't primarily consumed by these kinds of days, but the last few days have been...

Perfect.

Really.

Really?

Really.

After washing blueberry smoothie off the floor, myself and then the ceiling I went racing downstairs to deal with Boy-o's "catastrophe." "Mama, it's really bad." And I found the unplugged telephone (the one I leave unplugged so that the kids don't cut us off from the outside world) off the hook. Girlie followed us downstairs leaving a trail of liquid poop in her wake. All over the plastic straws the children spilled earlier. All over the single carpeted space in our entire home. After I cleaned her up and washed the carpet and cleaned up the kitchen floor and threw away the straws -- with the help of my very helpful children...ugh -- I asked Boy-o to come wash his hands. Instead he picked up the organic dehydrated cane sugar and stuck his hand in the bag.

We're out of laundry detergent. Ditto eggs, black tea, and straws. :) Also dehydrated cane sugar now.

We seem to have no shortage of shit though.

It took a good hour into the movie I was watching tonight before I realized that I was clenching my teeth. Do you think? Am I a little tense?

I'm working on relaxing. It has been a crazy few days. Boy-o got sick in the night on Thursday. You had day surgery on Friday. The car inexplicably stopped working while you were out running errands. You headed off to class. Girlie and I got sick by lunch time on Saturday. I was supposed to preach Sunday for the first time in more than a year and a half and had to cancel (guilt free!) on account of puke-and-pooping-sickness. Last night in the middle of the night you got sick. And then today with the blueberries, straws, poop, laundry and the normal spills of milk and water and tea.

Today's episodes are just more in a long line of crazy things all coming together perfectly at the same time.

And I'm about to eat my first meal (aside from broth, apple sauce and water) since Friday. Just the thought simultaneously makes me salivate and want to throw up. Having carefully prepared this bit of leftovers I took one bite and lost my spoon in the bottom of the pot.

I'm getting another spoon. I'm eating some soup. Then I'm going to bed.

Our next scheduled "perfect" weekend is three years from now. Once it gets closer I might be feeling wistful. Without recording this in an archive I might crazily decide to bump up the next occurrence of a weekend of perfection. Who knows?

:)

Love to you,
Jenn

P.S. This is the reality of our day on only one level. People who I could not have got along without talked to me a various points throughout the day and made the difference between me being a slave in the midst of a crumby day and being able to laugh at the craziness of it all. I am so grateful for friends, for family (and that laundry detergent!) and for being in an entirely different head space than I was a year ago. Raise a piece of toast or a wine glass (depending on which end of the day you are at) to grace and the grandness of life.

To life!

Cold

Dear Reade,

When our little girl went outside to get in the car this morning, all she could say was "Cold. Cold. Cold." And it occurred to me that last winter she always got bundled in a bucket car seat with a blanket and all the coziness we could muster. When we went out to "play" she was always snuggled right next to my body, wrapped up in a sling inside my coat.

Poor thing. I know that given a few weeks she'll decide that she would rather go ice skating than hide her head under her wing, but I'm feeling sympathy for her in these days of adjustment.

Love, Jenn

A lickin'

Dear Reade,

The smile on my face spread from ear to ear as I watched you play with our children while I made supper. "Give us a lickin' Daddy!" they trilled with delight, running away, shrieking. With no fear, total openness to playing run, chase, and a wet sloppy lick as the high point, they seek you out and delight in your presence.

I am so grateful that our children are not afraid of physical punishment in the regular everyday moments of their lives. "Lickings" and "being beaten" are a part of their physical play, not of punitive action. They love to be licked. They love to race and especially to have mama and daddy be beaten. They have no sense that there might be sadness in those words for other children. That other children, asking for "lickings" or tickling to stop might not find their request respected. Might not find themselves respected.

Thank you for being the kind of daddy who respects your children, who respects me, your wife.

I am so grateful for you.

Love, Jenn

School today

Dear Jenn,
Aargh! I've neglected my econometrics too much and now it's going to be a bear to catch up. I'm pretty sure I can but it won't be fun at all. Who am I kidding? Even keeping up with it assiduously it wouldn't really be fun.

Jenn, you were right to snort with derision (well not really derision) when I said I found it impossible to get any work done at home. That's really self evident. The real problem is that I don't want to spend any time at school unless I absolutely have to.
Love Reade
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Strange morning

Dear Jenn,
I'm at school and should be studying but I couldn't seem to concentrate. I didn't know why at first. Maybe if I write a bit.

It's been a strange morning. Last night I read about a 22 month old being hit by a car in north Regina. It was kind of freaky because Gella's about the same age and she runs onto the road if she gets a chance. I quickly moved on to other news.

Then this morning you wake me to tell me that Noah was hit by a car and died this morning. I couldn't really take it in. I read about it last night and now it's someone I know. I remember Noah in the nursery at church. I remember his dedication. I wondered if we had any pictures of his dedication but I don't recall.

I suppose Noah's passing just attunes me to my own children's fragility. They're strong, healthy and clever but they're mortal. Somehow school pales in comparison to these things.

Love Reade
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Tuesday, 14th of September

Dear Jenn,
Sitting in my economics of sports and am struck by the opportunity costs of taking classes. I'm not at home with my family which is very costly to me. Ni's first non-abstract picture ever was pretty cool. I'm glad I was home for that but, of course, there's all the things I do miss. Things that I won't even hear about until it comes up in conversation. Gella's new words etc.

Well the prof is looking to get ready and phones are verbotin in class so...

Reade
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School

Dear Jenn,
So sitting and waiting for my econ of sports class to start. Listening to the banter I think we have a bunch of kinesiology students in the class. They're going to be a bit disappointed in it I think. It's actually an economics class and not a sports class.
I'm hoping that we talk a bit about the new stadium they're thinking of putting up here in Regina.
Class is about to begin. The whiskered prof has arrived.
Reade
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Ni's first day @ preschool finished.

Dear Jenn,
Picked up Ni at school and he had a great time. He brought home a big pack of stuff. Now he's in a bad mood from hunger.
Reade
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Ni's first day @ preschool

Dear Jenn,
We just dropped Ni off at Athabasca School for his first day of preschool and I'm feeling a little funny. A bit sad to say goodbye to our little boy but glad he's growing up so much.

(just had to clean up a smashed glass bowl that Gella had thrown to the floor)

Ni did very well though. He just waved without looking at me when I said goodbye. He was too interested in the other boy who had just arrived. Well he'll see me in a couple hours.
Reade
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Saturday

Dear Jenn,
So I'm sitting rocking in the living room while you watch your sourdough course. Gella is playdoughing on the table and Ni is outside somewhere playing with Elijah. I'm tired from taking care of the kids all night in their new sleeping arrangement. Eventually they'll do better. Ni woke up and climbed down without hurting himself so that's good.

I feel like I should get some work done but feel fairly unmotivated from weariness. This will pass sometime this evening no doubt, just in time for bedtime alas.

I'm a bit concerned about my classes next week. I certainly hope it all works out and there are no glitches to graduating. I guess if it go haywire I can always take a class while working.

Love Reade
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Just five more things...

Dear Reade,

The other day it was time for Boy-o to have a haircut. On this cutting day he could choose between getting it cut at the salon or having a buzz cut here at home. "But Mommy I just want you to cut it with the scissors." Not an option this time. Every third or fourth cut I need him to have a fresh slate. I can monkey around a bit, but really need a corrective cut from time to time. He decided on a buzz. When we got up to the bathroom, got everything set up and he was standing in front of the mirror he said, "But I just have to do five things first. I have to pick up my toys. And brush my teeth. And read some books. And pick up my toys. And brush my teeth."

Poor little guy was terrified that it was going to hurt and didn't know that he was so scared, didn't know how to ask for help. His response makes me aware that in my dear son there might just be a tendency toward work addiction. Who's genetic heritage would that come from? And all the things he chose were good things, things that he often is required to do before other things. He's smart and funny and I love him to bits. And his new haircut is cute, cute, cute.

Love, Jenn

Enemies and Anemones

Dear Reade,

This morning The Boy was talking about interrelationships between different creatures as he's learned them from Apple-O (Sir David Attenborough). The conversation today centred around a crab and a sea anemone that work together.

"An octopus wants to eat the crab. So the crab loosens the predator from the ground and lifts it on to his back (here there is a motioning of how it happens). Then the predator stings the octopus if it comes near."

For a moment I was baffled. Then I remembered the anemone (which to our boy's ears must sound like enemy) and we were able to carry on the conversation. I am amazed by the human brain and its ability to play in the realm of language. I am in love with the fact that our boy has enemy and predator as synonyms in his brain when he's talking about the animal world.

Love, Jenn

Late getting home

Dear Jenn.
So I'm a bit later than you expected but since I came at 10 and had lunch I should have left at 4. I lost track of a bit of time and now it's after 4 and I'm waiting for the bus.
I did try to eat at my desk but I was clumsy or something today so I kept spilling. I decided to take a break for lunch and it was just Linda and me in the office so I spent lunch with her in the training room. Ah well.
I'm not sure what times i'll go to work next week maybe Tuesday and Wednesday so I'm done sooner in the week. There's something happening at work on Wednesday anyway that I should go to. MLT is coming in to discuss "Issues of Incorporation" with us. Could be quite useful.

I took a brand new bus this morning. It had that "new bus smell" of plastic and glue out gassing. I think my IQ dropped a few points while trapped in there. However, it did look quite tidy and new and it has a cupboard or something about 2 meters behind the drivers seat. I sat in the single seat between them. I can't figure out what the closet thing could be for.

Well I'm at Golden Mile so i'll have to stop for now.
Reade.
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Decaf?

Dear Reade,

I went out with a friend this evening. Ordered what I thought was a decaf mocha.

I am pretty sure that it wasn't.

Ask me how I know?

Okay don't. That's rather silly isn't it.

I do not think I am going to be happy when morning happens again.

Love, Jenn

At Dairy Queen

We've just arrived in the drive through line. Boyo says, "You're not talking to the informater. You need to talk to the informator.
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Waiting and working

Dear Jenn,
Well, predictably, the only people at the group meeting were the two that have a life outside of school. So we did the little we could do and went our separate ways.
Now I'm looking at my other group project and my partner has done a tonne of work already and I've done essentially nothing. She keeps updating it too. I'm still trying to figure it out.
Love Reade
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Summertime

Dear Reade (or Read given your last post),

It's a beautiful summer evening. The temperature is cooling and I'm thinking about the day we have just been through. Sleeping late (hooray!). Blueberry pancakes (yummy). Church (good to be back). Lunch. Naps and craziness with the kids while you did homework. Playing in the water. Planting flowers. Snack-y supper. Family movie night. The eternal bedtime of overtired children.

Overall, we've had a weekend of balance. I feel good about the work we've accomplished, the ways that we have lived in thankfulness and the rest which we have taken. Thanks for the many ways that you have worked hard on family stuff and given yourself to your school work too.

Love to you,
Jennifer (of Jnnifer if you prefer)

Studying for mid-terms

Dear Jenn,
So here I am @ the Lazy Owl studying. I'm very tense, as you know. You're very understanding considering how unpleasant I am when I'm stressed. Of course, expecting the little ones to be understanding or to understand is ridiculous. I just hope they find a good counselor when they grow up.
Sometimes I despair of the kind of father I am. It's not that I don't love my kids desperately but that I'm pretty self absorbed. Ni is a great kid that obviously idolizes me but he makes me so angry sometimes. I don't want to squelch his enthusiasms aside from those that involve giving his sister beatings. However, I don't understand what he's on about so often. I'm afraid he's inherited my inability to make myself clear.
Sometimes I fear I have all of my dad's worst foibles and none of his great qualities. I look more and more like him every day so maybe I come by it honestly.
Well I should get back to studying.
Love Read
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What to do?

Dear Reade,

Would you believe it? It's midday. Girlie is sleeping. And our boy is having his first "lunch at a friend's." I switched over the laundry and settled myself here, to write.

What with traveling all about Saskatchewan for family gatherings and celebrations and our few quiet days at the lake, I feel like I am just settling in to the routine of summer. Hot, muggy days. Cool nights. Very often rain showers each day. Over the next few weeks we will see a transformation in the vegetable portion of our gardens.

I feel distracted as I write. Much like our days have been. Without a beginning, middle and end to the "story" I'm leaving here. Just the bits of our day. As I attend to that sense, I simultaneously want to be okay with it and have it change. Typical!

Starting again...

Jennifer

Work, work, work

Dear Jenn,

                I just got off the phone with you and Ni. You're coming back from ... a farm. I've had a mostly fruitless day of searching for a few specific documents from the past.  If only I was looking for an obscure cartoon that only had 4 episodes, of which only two every aired. In which case I could go to the numerous websites with screen captures and every bit of dialog annotated with a guide to the characters. But alas, these are gov't docs so, suffice to say, they're not easily accessible. Indeed may have been thrown away or just in a cardboard box in some gov't building somewhere. 

It rained and hailed here about half an hour ago and the staff all stopped working to watch. Fun in Saskatchewan. It was certainly a welcome break for me. They're going to put a lock on my door soon. Not for me, of course, but for the new guy coming in a few weeks. The info kept in the office will be very hush-hush so a lock is only sensible. But with a professional like Avi I'm not too worried about the stuff. He could probably break my neck with his pinkie using a secret Krave Maga strike. 

Life at SpringBoard.

So hot

In response to a food item needing to cool before eating Boy-o says "It's so hot it's like a jelly-bean on water."

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Ugh! All seems lost.

Dear Jenn,
I was working at school and had finished my document and saved it and then I proceeded to upload it to Gmail for safety but it was not to be. I have no idea if it's the migraine and I dreamed it all or what but it's all gone. I have my "originals" which are nowhere near done but that's all. It's the strangest thing that I just don't understand. Whether it's a weirdness of these U computers or something but I'm pretty bummed as you can imagine. I went to Trifon's and had pizza and beer for a while thinking I'd just blow off the assignments but I'm back at Riddell centre beavering away in great annoyance.The two pictures are the Anger and then the hopeless despair that I had.

Love Reade

Mr. Pants

Dear Reade,

I get a big kick out of this kid of ours, our Boy-o. Today he has been playing busily with his friends from across the street. Later today we'll head to trampoline. He's growing so tall. I remember a package we received after he was born that contained pants in an 18 month size. As I held up those pants I thought how HUGE they were and how I was sure that he'd be ages before he grew into them. Of course, now Girlie wears those tiny pants and I'm having to let out the waist bands and unroll the hems on all The Boy's size three pants.

As I was helping him get dressed after an encounter with the hose in the backyard, he pulled out one of his great lines: Mama, can you please get me some long-sleeved pants. I brought his clam diggers (it is 25 degrees C) and he protested, but finally agreed. Medium-sleeved pants would be okay.

Today our boy is delighting in telling me that he's "tough" when he falls down. Other times he has snuck in to get a kiss having just fallen and hurt himself.

It's a pretty great gift for me to be able to be near him, to overhear him as he plays and to play alongside him at other moments. You are right. I will look back fondly and wistfully on these days.

Love, Jenn

Looking for Joy

Dear Reade,

Yesterday, as the kids and I were at a birthday party, I was speaking with a friend who says that she has been scrap-booking recently as a means of finding joy in her life. Which has me thinking, what brings me joy? Today I have found joy in:

• walking into our kitchen this morning to the sight of a cleared and cleaned countertop
• quiet hours to read and reflect before the children emerge from slumber and the demands of the day begin
• coffee drinking in the morning on our back step
• the sight of wee little seedlings poking their tiny little heads out of the soil.
• our girlie's adorable nose wrinkle
• a phone conversation with a newish friend who regularly reminds me of my need for community
• the click of our back gate and the sight of your face as your returned home from your day at work
  
• the songs of birds as the evening progresses
• the heart-stopping last minutes of a football match I wanted "my" team to win. Despite their loss, the hopefulness being drawn out to the last seconds was superb
  
• the tap-tap-tap of keystrokes as you work and I play

Darling, darling...you are finishing the last of your class requirements for spring term and I know it's heaps and heaps of work these days. You are dear to me and bring me great joy.

Love to you,
Jenn

dot com

Dear Reade,

Our little "Mister Can-I-watch-a-movie" changed his tactics today. He said, "Mama, I need a dot com or I won't be able to be calm."

I laughed.

Love to you,

Jenn

Me 3.jpg

This a picture of me because I'm still testing the capabilities via my phone.
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A real post this time.

Dear Jenn,
So I'm sitting at work and wasting a bit of time and worrying about class tomorrow that I'm not prepared for. Can you end a sentence with 'for'?
Sigh. I'll be home by 5 but I think I'll have to leave to get some work done.
Love you.
Reade
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Email posting

Dear Jenn,
So I'm trying to post via email and I sure hope it works.
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Spicy!

Dear Reade,

Just so that we can remember:

"That's as spicy as a man in red socks."
-- The Boy, in reference to bottle green elderflower

Love you (and him too!),

Jenn

blue butterflies

Dear Reade,

Girlie and I just saw a lovely, lovely blue butterfly in the yard. Blues are so delicate and beautiful. Eye-catching and simultaneously cryptic. With the wings spread in flight they are stunning. When they wish to hide they blend in so well.

They are much like us, those beautiful butterflies.

"If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do" (2 Corinthians 4:7ff, The Message).

Thanks for teaching me about butterflies.

Love, Jenn

towards a family statement

Dear Reade,

In conversation today, as I was spindle spinning, you said to The Boy, "Look what Mama is learning, practicing, getting better at. Learning new things is very good."

And I think that if we were creating a family mission statement learning would definitely be part of it, eh?

Love, Jenn

At the weekend...

Dear Reade,

Taking a few minutes of writing time while The Boy plays with the neighbours and Girlie rests with you. While I was up in the night I was reading from the Psalms:

God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I got my act together,
he gave me a fresh start.
Now I'm alert to God's ways;
I don't take God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works;
I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. (Ps 18:20-24)

There's a sense in which I want for these ways that I write to be a review of the ways that God is at work in our lives and our family. A record, not only of physical milestones and philosophical musings, but of the spirituality of our everyday lives.

Love to you,

Jenn

Crazy Days

Dear Reade,

You've retired upstairs with The Boy for a few minutes. Girlie is playing with a cardboard box boat and a rubber boot. And I'm breathing deeply.

What a day!

I suspect that the kids were just as they have been for the last number of weeks. Busy. Active. Yell-y. Push-y. Needing proactive parenting moment after moment after moment. But today I was not as I have been for the last number of weeks. Today was an "off" day.

It makes me very mindful in these quiet moments of what I am being saved from. Or what I have been saved from. Three and a half or four months ago my internal space was like today's crazy space, every day, all day. I'm so grateful that I don't live with that level of anxiety, uncertainty, powerlessness and self-doubt day by day.

I am also grateful that you are home for a bit. :)

Love, Jenn

At school waiting for class to begin

Dear Jenn,
For some reason I feel anxious about my classes coming up. I'm not sure why. I know I'd rather be at home, that's for sure. I suppose it's just that these Spring/Summer classes flash by so fast and I don't feel like I've spent enough time reading etc. I have to make more time for it which means more time away from home, unfortunately. I just can't get anything done at home.
Reade

But I just...

Dear Reade,

It's a quiet afternoon. You and The Boy are off at a birthday party. Girlie and I are at home. She's napping. I've done the advance prep for supper and now I am sitting quietly. Whatever needs to come next will happen shortly, but I'm contemplating the last few days with our boy.

So, so often these days conversations with him end up being punctuated with "But I just..." (...had to kick her in the face. ...didn't mean to make her bleed. ...need to tell you about this. ...couldn't do what you asked. ...can't listen because I need to say...). And I wonder what it's all about.

I know I could do a better job of listening to Boy-o. If he felt heard, understood, listened to I'm sure that would make something of a difference.

I also wonder what it is that God might be asking me and you and us as a family to do to which we are saying, "But I just..."?

Any ideas?

Love, Jenn

Quietness

Dear Reade,

You and the kids are sleeping. Much needed rest at the end of busy days of school and work for you. Much needed rest for our children after a full day of playing with friends, exploring a rainy world and learning as they do through play and activity.

It's been a full day for me too and I'm grateful for these quiet moments to read, write, think (and fold laundry without the "assistance" of four extra hands). I'm learning to ask for what I need in these days. I am learning to know what I need. And quiet time is a big piece of what I need, both for its own sake and also so that I can know where I am actually at. Without contemplative time, I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants. So these quiet evenings do my body and soul good.

Loving you,

Jenn

Thank you

Dear Reade,

There are so many things that empower me to be a good mom. But today I am especially mindful of and grateful for the ways that you spend time parenting our children. Being the nighttime parenting expert on our boy. Getting both kids dressed and ready for the day. The daily, careful rhythm of goodbyes as you leave (home or the car) for work. Allowing and even encouraging "distracting" phone calls from the kids. Taking the kids on a wander so I can have time I need to do what I need to do. Expansive and loving greetings as you re-enter our family space. Carrying our girl around as she goes through her withdrawal from missing you. Story book narrated private times. Correction, encouragement and conversation with our two little ones.

And that was just today.

You are a great daddy. I am pleased to parent by your side, grateful that our kids have you as a father.

Love, Jenn

Another one please?

Dear Reade,

Our little ones are asleep and with a few moments to ponder before I get on to the tasks of the evening, I'm thinking about bedtime with our boy tonight. We perused his chosen and carefully stacked books. I turned off the light and as I'm sure you hear most nights, he asked me for a story. So I told him the story of a boy whose Mama loved him and whose Daddy loved him and whose sister loved him. A boy who loved to jump to the top of things ("But I can only jump down from the top of things.") and climb and run and read and cook and imagine stories. A boy who played with stones and drew and ate and played with friends and cousins and liked to think about all his favorite things from the day as he got ready to sleep. And then the boy would take a deep breath and close his eyes and go to sleep.

And then our boy said, "Can you tell me another story, Mama?"

So much for my subtle suggestion.

Love to you,

Jenn

First posting

Dear Jenn,
This being my first post I'm not expecting much and I hope you're not either. I have a bit of tension what with the S'toon folks coming and I have to study for my first mid-term. I should have been studying for it already, of course but I just haven't got to it. I find it tough to study at home for some reason.
Reade

Home

Dear Reade,

It's been a wonderful week, full of backyard play and trips to the park. It has been, simultaneously, slow and jam-packed. How does time go like that?

Our guests this past week helped me to clarify something. I want our home to be a place of hospitality. A place where we can be ourselves and our guests can be themselves too. I don't want to "entertain."

A few years back when I was spending time at one of the retreat centres in town I remember reading an article they had laminated. It was about hospitality as creating a space for change in ourselves and in others. About inviting people into our lives and our homes and in that being together finding something was different. About being honest with ourselves, decluttered in and of ourselves, and able to be authentic.

I want to find that article and reread it. I want our home to be that sort of space. For us. For our children. For our friends. For our guests.

I love you.

Jenn

Genesis

Dear Reade,

A space for us to write, in which we might enjoy telling the tales of our daily lives and in which we can trace what we are learning, seeing, doing and becoming.

So much of my life I have spent second guessing, quadruple takes. I am jumping in, following the ways of my grandfather whose 91st birthday we are celebrating today. Delightful and with a personality in full bloom, Fred no longer worries about what others will think of him. Maybe he never has. He calls our boy by various and sundry other names vaguely related in sound or form to his given name. Fred's love is true but he doesn't have time to "much ado" about details.

Could be genetic. Fred's mom, Elizabeth, called me Genesis instead of Jennifer. Wonder what I'll call our grandkids...

So today, I'm jumping right in. Starting something new. Letting go of the second guesses. Looking forward to what may be. And what may become.

Love, Jenn(ifer)